The Surprising Adventures Of Lux Alptraum

When choosing a sex partner, many of us assume that we only need to think about their worth to us in the short term: how good are they at having sex? Will they be good, giving, and game? If we’re the sort of person interested in a relationship, will they be able to fulfill those current and future needs? But friends, I am here to tell you that there is more to it than that. The truly savvy sexualist must consider the future value of their sexual partners—and how, in the years to come, the worth of past and present partners will reflect on their sex portfolio. To win the game, it’s best to choose wisely and pick partners who will increase in value over the years by getting hotter, more successful, and generally more awesome in the years after you slept with them.

Case in point: in the years since I started having sex, I’ve gone from a shy, socially awkward college student to a much more put together classy lady and lauded sexpert. Those people who engaged in sexual congress with me back when I was 17? Like investors in a successful start up, they managed to get in on the ground level and enrich their portfolio with an investment that just keeps getting more impressive and more valuable. Conversely: my personal portfolio is full of numerous bad investments—people who, regardless of what they seemed like at the time, have not held up in the long run. 

Friends, it’s clear: for the best sex portfolio, both present and future, we must all choose wisely and make savvy investments.